FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
