smell my finger.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i now understand why vodka
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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