There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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