I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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