never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
im having a threesome with these popsicles
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
