so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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