i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
