My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
