we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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