Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Randomize
