So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
