I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
