it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
