My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
