who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
