And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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