community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
