My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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