yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
