ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
