K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
