on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
