I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
