Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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