We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
