last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
