she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Can I color on your dick again?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
