My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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