I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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