Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
