That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
