She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
