next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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