she told me i tasted like america
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
