Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
