The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
