Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
