look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
