Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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