fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
