Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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