Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
even my farts smell like vagina
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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