i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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