Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
