So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
