i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
