I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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