..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
