I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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