I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
