It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize