Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
