so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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