New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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