My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
