therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
