I feel great
I just peed on a car
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Even my vagina gasped.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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