Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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