her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
