I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
