i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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