Christians are straight up FREAKS
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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