Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
