Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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