Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
