Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
