i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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