You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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