Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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