I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
