I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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