I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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