i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
