dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize