No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
