Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
