M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
