a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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