def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
