I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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