Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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