i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
