i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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