Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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