Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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