Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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