is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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