Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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