The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
