Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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