His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
