why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
