oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
