i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
