Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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