i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
