Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
