??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
