i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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