i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
