Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Welp...herpes.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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