I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
