after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Found your dick twin last night
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
