Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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