giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
