he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
