omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
