I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
