Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
