I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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